Last Updated:
        030312 | 23:22 GMT

Under 18? Then leave. This site contains foul language and foul fake-opinions from foul people, and people under 18 die if they read those words and/or opinions.

Also, if you're easily offended, you do best in leaving, as well. It is all meant to be for fun, but you are still likely to be offended.

River

The four boys were sitting around in James's basement, playing Super Smash Bros: Melee, when Benny got a random idea. "Let's build a raft out of an old car and float around the river! There's an old car in the woods behind my house."

"Hey, that's a fun idea," commented Russell.

"Yeah and I know where we can find a river!" said Gary after a short pause.

"That's great, Gary!" The others knew about Gary's developmental problems and tried not to make him feel bad.

They headed to Benny's backyard where they found parts from a VW Beetle. James had some inner tubes from his family vacation in Florida, so he brought those along, too.

After a while, they had a boat that'd surely float, so they went to the nearest body of water, the Occoquan River, to set sail (And yes, they did make a sail of sorts, even though it was more like a flag.) and enjoy their afternoon in the river.

"It's getting late, we should head back to the strand," Benny said a few hours later.

"Strand? What the hell is a strand?" James asked, confused.

"Oh, sorry. It's a word I made up, it means shore. We should head back to the shore."

"Oh no! We didn't bring any paddles!" Russell observed.

"We can swim our way back!" said Gary, but then he remembered that he couldn't swim. "Oh . . . "

"Hey, look! On the strand--I mean shore! It's Perra and Marshall! Maybe they could help us!" Benny started shouting, "Hey! Guys! Help us out here, could you?"

"Ok," Perra shouted back, pulling something out of his jacket. Marshall did the same.

There were four gunshots. And only four (Both Perra and Marshall were at the top of their class in the JROTC rifle squad, so they had outstanding aiming skill).

"Heh," Marshall began, still looking out onto the water, "That was interesting, what do you want to do--" he looked back at Perra only to see the sawed-off tip of the barrel of a shotgun staring back at him.

There was another gunshot, and Marshall's body lie limp on the beach.

Perra picked up a stick, and scribbled into the sand with it. "Perra was here." He walked back into the woods and followed the trail back to his house.

//Marshall

Staff Comments of Awesomeness

August 4, 2011 - 07:25 BST - Nate

It's time to end this somewhat hiatus and start writing video game reviews for no one again. Funny that after all of these months of college and unemployment I start wasting time with video games and shitty reviews once I finally get a job.

Also, maybe I'll start reviewing games that have been released within the past six months for once thanks to my new disposable (heavy emphasis on this word) income. Maybe.

June 12, 2010 - 15:30 GMT - Benny

I got an urge to collect crap for my chao in Sonic Adventure 2 Battle. I had quite a lot of fun until I realised that I already had a chao with 99 in all stats. That took a bit of the fun away but I have another 16 chao I can level up. But now I'm in a mood to play Zelda instead.

May 31, 2010 - 15:53 GMT - Benny

I'm quite glad I went through with this The Green Shell idea. Combined with Hair, I've managed to build up a little backlog of updates that could last me at least a week. Although I have a feeling I'll put out a few of them at a time, which means I'll run out sooner. But yeah, while it's not necessarily easy to come up with shitty ideas for it, I have been looking around at a lot of random video game stuff over the last 12 hours and it's quite fun. I also need to play some more Star Ocean; I've got reptile aliens to kill and annoying girls to ignore! My hatred for Welch has gone down a lot since I got Lymle into my party. That annoying fuck pisses me off, 'kay.


Video of Awesomeness


Okay, so Finnish, but they sing in Swedish so it's alright.