Edwin slowly walked across the floor of his livingroom, covered with the remains of his family, dog, and bikesalesman.
"How did this happen?" he said to himself.
He headed to the bathroom to wash off the blood, but on the way tripped over his mother's leg. He landed on the floor and noticed something small and shiny under the couch, but he couldn't tell what it was. He reached for it, and all of a sudden his arm fell off.
"Ah crap, I hate when this happens," he said and sighed.
He then reached for the item with his left hand. This time he didn't lose a part of his body, and he pulled out the shiny thing, which was stuck in thick spider web.
"Oh my God! This is an ancient Indian burialground," he said.
The burial ground made his hand burn, so he tossed it away. That made it angry, so it got up and walked over near Edwin's face.
"What the hell was that for, you stupid bastard?" it said, obviously very angry.
"I- I- I didn't mean to throw you like a girl. It was meant to be a manly move. I promise!" Edwin cried as the burial ground stared directly at him.
"You're not getting away that easy, Paul," the burial ground said.
"I'm not Paul," Edwin replied.
"You're whoever I say you are, Sharon!"
"Sharon? I'm not even a woman!"
"You are to me!"
"I'm what to you?"
The burial ground was getting even more angry. "You're a woman!"
"I am not."
"You are now."
"This is getting no where . . . "
"Yes, but it does take up space."
"What? What are you talking about now?!"
"Nothing. Say, would you like some tea?" The burial ground hovered into the kitchen.
"Where do you keep your tea bags, Sharon?"
"The last time I checked they was lying right next to my dad's left lung. I might've moved it, though."
"I'm pretty sure I'll find it. Oh yes, I'll find it, all right."
Edwin was getting suspicious. Why did the burial ground change his name all the time? Why did he want a tea bag? Well, Edwin knew the answer to the second question, because the burial ground was making tea. But the second one? Edwin was confused.
"I don't get it," he said.
"What is it that you don't get, dear?" the burial ground asked.
"Why you're making tea."
"'Cause I want tea. What about you? Why are you making tea?"
"I'm not making tea," Edwin said and looked around the room.
"Oh, I think you are."
Edwin looked at his hands and discovered that he was, indeed, making tea. "What is this?!" he shouted.
"It's tea, whore!" the burial ground said as he dropped the tea he was making and jumped through a window. "See you in hell, punk!" The burial ground ran across Edwin's front yard and down the street.
"Maybe I should go after that burial ground," he thought, "or maybe I'm not the one who has to make that decision." He looked around the room again.
While thinking of what to do, Edwin finished making the tea. And it was the best tea he'd ever had. But what to do about the burial ground? Could it perhaps be the legendary burial ground, mentioned in the bible, that was going to make the world go insane? Edwin didn't really care, and he sat down on his brother's dead body and watched The Late Show with David Letterman instead.
//Benny & Marshall