It was a fine morning when Barry the Tortoise got out of bed for his daily morning walk. The birds were singing, the bees were having casual sex, the flowers were blooming, and everyone was happy. Today Barry decided to take a different route and not follow the side of the road as he usually did. Instead he started walking along a narrow dirt path that he had never noticed before, even though it was located about 100 yards from his house.
"How come I've never noticed this narrow dirt path before, even though it is located about 100 yards from my house?" Barry thought.
Due to the fact that he was only a dumb ass tortoise, he had forgotten about his thought within ten seconds, and started walking along the dirt path at a steady pace of something close to moving backwards.
After a couple of hours on the path he saw a hare leaning against a tree on the side of the dirt path.
"Hello, hare," he said as he passed.
"Hello," the hare replied.
"What? Who said that?" Barry cried out as he turned his head around to see where the hello came from.
"Huh? I said hello. You said hello to me," the hare explained.
"Who are you?" Barry asked as he carefully watched the hare, trying to find out whether to attack or not.
"I'm the hare you just said hello to," the hare replied, "my name is George."
"What? Who said that?" Barry cried out.
"Damn, you're stupid," the hare said and shook his head.
"I might be red, but I bet I can run faster than you!" Barry cried out as the hatred rose within his tortoise body.
"You're green, and no, you cannot run faster than me."
"What!? Who said that?"
"Shut up, damn it!" the, now clearly annoyed, hare yelled out. "Let's race to that tree over there," he said and pointed to a tree about 200 yards away.
"Okay," Barry said and bit the rabbit's head off.
After brutally ripping the head off of the innocent hare-body, Barry started walking towards the tree. But about ten seconds later he had forgot what to do, and instead he walked down a ditch. Down the ditch he accidently stumbled over a dead rat, and landed on his back.
"Oh no! Somebody please help!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. But no use . . . no one was around to hear him cry for help.
A couple of seconds later, the dumb tortoise had forgot that he was lying on his back, and started to walk in the air. He didn't get anywhere, obviously, 'cause he's lying upside down. He kept walking and walking, until a couple of days later when he died due to lack of food.
So, the morals of this story are that you should bite the head off of all hares you can find, and don't lie on your back in a ditch. Ever.